Author Journey (October 21, 2024)
So, how did the return to the office go? Well, in short, it didn’t for me, but that doesn’t mean everything went the way I had hoped. Something about burning the candle at both ends…
Author Journey (October 21, 2024)
Favourite Moment!
I had a couple of aha moments last week. The first was when an author friend posted a meme that had Writer’s Block tagging in Imposter Syndrome. I now realise that is exactly what I’ve been dealing with. Every time, I finally get myself in a position to write, I end up hating what I’ve written and things fall back to being blocked again. Then, another author friend commented that the only people who don’t get Imposter Syndrome are imposters, so at least I know I’m on the right side of things. That doesn’t necessarily help though. They also suggested trying out something different – a fun side project that you can just go wild.
So, I looked back at some of the many unfinished projects I have to my name and started reading one of them. It was actually really good. Sure, there were a lot of typos, but it’s a first draft. The story worked. The interactions between the characters were fun. In short, I need to stop doubting myself and get back into it. There was also a moment last week when I was considering picking up the BOFURI manga once more – I’m two volumes in, but then I noticed that there are almost twice as many light novels as there are manga, which means there will be a lot more to come and it’s going to take a while, so I picked up the first light novel. That was on Saturday and I’m already 40% of the way through so I’m enjoying it. The writing, however, is nothing to write home about. I think I’ve been holding myself to too high a standard. I need to have fun and enjoy the process once more. Maybe then, I’ll be able to defeat that dreaded tag team of Writer’s Block and Imposter Syndrome.
The Week That Was…
I was supposed to return to the office on Tuesday and Thursday last week, but that didn’t happen. Instead, one of my boys developed a fever that lasted all week. That meant I worked from home while caring for a sick child. This pretty much highlighted one of my concerns with the return to the office. People who are the primary carers for children (more often than not women) are going to have a harder time. As flexible as my job is with the situation, it adds extra stress to a situation that has been pretty much taking care of itself for the last four years.
As such, my days were full of the day job and looking after my son. Then, the evenings were focused on both sons, the Mrs, and the usual stuff. I was forced to squeeze my exercise in after eleven PM which left me wide awake for far longer than I needed to be. That resulted in me crashing as the week went on. I haven’t watched any anime other than on the treadmill all week. I only just squeezed in manga volumes, which I’m still amazed at. Basically, it was a rough week.
Anime!
Manga!
- Parallel Paradise (Volume 7) – He Has Two Options: Mate or Die!
- Free Life Fantasy Online: Immortal Princess (Volume 6) – Food Brings Smiles!
- My [Repair] Skill Became a Versatile Cheat, So I Think I’ll Open a Weapon Shop (Volume 2) – The Place Where I Belong…
- Kaiju No. 8 (Volume 10) – The Second Wave!
- My Dress-Up Darling (Volume 12) – I Have Nothing!
Goals
| Tasks | Goal | Completed |
|---|---|---|
| Anime Watched | 3 Episodes | 11 Episodes |
| Manga Read | 3 Books | 3 Book |
| Posts Scheduled | 7 Posts | 6 Posts |
| Chapters Written | 2 | Nothing |
| Chapters Edited | 2 | N/A |
| Artwork | Cover | N/A |
Aspirations for the week!
Everything is back to normal this week, so I’ll have to head into the office tomorrow and see how that works out. After talking with a couple of colleagues at the end of last week, I’m not hopeful that it’ll be a joyous experience. Anyhow, my goal this week is to right the ship and get things running smoothly again. I have two weeks of posts scheduled so that’s a nice bonus to have, but I also don’t want to let that slip. I think I’m going to continue to focus on manga for a little while as I’m in the middle of a bunch of different stories and I don’t want to stop.
I’m going to try to silence my inner critic and just get the words down. If I can just break through the initial blockage, I’m quite certain that it’ll start to flow freely again. Anyway, I’ve got a lot to catch up on and also enjoy my first moments alone in ten days. Thanks for reading!
You’ve watched a lot of Dean Wesley Smith’s videos, right? Did you see the one where he talked about the inner critic versus the inner child? His point was when you write, let the kid out to play. Nothing else matters — have fun getting the words down. That’s right brain stuff. Only let the left brain stuff out when it’s time to edit. And then, with a strictly limited scope.
I’m pretty that’s made a huge difference for me. I’ve always hated my stuff. I still do! But wording that more carefully make it more clear: my left brain hates everything I’ve written so far. My right brain only hates what my left brain writes!
Of course, YMMV! Glad you found a couple of memes that helped last week. I’m constantly amazed at how I can see the same meme today that I saw a year ago, yet feel emotionally moved now when I just glanced at it before. It’s cool how different stages of the journey open us up to different insights!
Actually, that’s what I’ve been doing when I can’t sleep after the late runs – watching videos of Dean Wesley Smith and Kristine Kathryn Rusch. The hardest part I find it switching between the two. My day job is largely focused on analytics and then I spend my free time analyzing stories. I need to find a way to switch it off and let the creative side go wild for a bit.
Another problem is I have such a clear picture of what I want to say and the mood and tone of the setting that I struggle to get it to live up to that. I know I should be focused on polishing it after the fact, but I also agree with DWS about reediting a story. Once I’ve written it, I know how it ends so it’s harder to go back through it.
And that page from My Dress-Up Darling above hit hard. When will we be happy with what we produce? Is any artist every truly satisfied?
Dress-Up Darling hits so hard on so many levels! I’m rewatching season 1 now, and the emotional quality is breathtaking.
In terms of ever being satisfied: I’m just hoping the pursuit of the vision is itself enough to be “satisfied” (whatever that means). Because even as I try to force myself to declare a given manuscript is as good as I can make it, I know better. I could always spend another ten minutes fixing this or that. And then another ten. But if I do that, I’m not writing new materials.
That’s one of the reasons I trust DWS’s insights. He takes that tendency to not be satisfied and channels it into the next book. And the next. If we can’t get rid of that oppressive disatisfaction, we might as well channel it for good!
Yeah, There’s Marin’s pure optimism that is a delight to be around and then Wakana’s grandfather is a fountain of knowledge and advice. It’s all surprisingly on the nose.
Leonardo DVinci apparently once said that art is never finished, only abandoned and I completely understand what he was saying. As you said, there’s always something else we could change or adjust, but there has to come a time when it has to be left alone.
I think that’s one of the reasons DWS’s approach of writing the draft and then walking away resonates with me, even if I know I’m not near the level to be able to do that. I have experienced what he explains as the reason he didn’t sell anything for seven years after initially selling his first two stories. He thought that he needed to learn about writing and bought into all the dos and don’ts. As soon as he freed himself of those, he sold again. I have to find a way to trust myself to deliver. If no one buys it so be it. I need to get on with the next one. And we’re back to Heinlein’s Rules again.